Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Someone shit on the floor
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
