So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
