Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
