I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
God, you're like boner-b-gone
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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