I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
