I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
