false alarm. still invincible.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
