Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
