I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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