I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
