I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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