Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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