New invention idea: vibrating tampons
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My penis needs a shock collar
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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