My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
