Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize