I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
