I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
