Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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