i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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