I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
