Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
not ubering you a puppy
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
