just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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