the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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