Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize