Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
