you have to choose: penises or morals?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You're like the curious george of whores
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
