she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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