Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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