Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
