Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
