I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have tasted many bathrooms
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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