I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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