dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
