the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yo dont text me then not text me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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