I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
