shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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