I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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