it wasn't lemon gatorade
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
