hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
