Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
