why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
