you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
