I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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