i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
