Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
