so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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