how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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