I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
