My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
