I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
