Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
