Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
