True but thats because hes a fetus.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize