My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
