his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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