UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
