Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize