i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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