I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
