Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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