I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
only if we run a train.
done.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
