we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
