dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
