Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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