i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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