I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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