You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
