weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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