Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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