i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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