If i come over, it means nothing
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
