there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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