why didn't you poke me back
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
im six kinds of drunk right now
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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