we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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