I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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