I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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