my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
